Why Does She Hate You So Much

I’ve been asked this question many times in the last year.  I have bored people with issues of my divorce and issues with the babies Momma (for those who don’t know me they are separate women), for far to long.  Last week a friend we’ll call Don asked me point blank “what are you doing to cause this much venom, why does she hate you so much?”.  At Church we were focusing on Pride for this week.  This series of conquering your giants (Death, Fear, Lust, Pride, Guilt)  has sparked many conversations, and a lot of introspection for many.  I personally have been moved by these topics and have written them here, or seriously have made changes in my life.   Because I’m thick headed, God speaks to me very loudly and is very aggressive If I don’t follow.  He will take away things I love, just as a parent takes away a toy from a child when that child misbehaves.  The pastors wife said he was “Perfecting Me”.  I struggle with this because I think it’s my own stupidity that causes my issues not a vengeful god, but there are definate signs that he is shapeing and molding me into something different.   

Anyway back to the point.  I have spent thousands of dollars, fighting with these women.  The stress has me lacking focus, melancholy, and lost, I even lose my lunch alot because I’m so bound up.  I can’t go into specific reasons why we are fighting, or give details because I’m currenty in litigation.  Needless to say I think they are being manipulative, and controlling, most of the time just plain mean. I don’t feel like they are looking out for the intrest of the boys.  I believe that even if he is not perfect, a father should be involved with his childs life more than one day a week and every other weekend.  I never really knew my father, he turned over custody and actually had my sister and I adopted by another man so he didn’t have to pay child support.  Needless to say that has effected me, and fuels my combative nature in the custody battles that I’m wageing.  If nothing else I want my boys to know that I’ll fight for them.  The other day when I went to a mediator with one of the moms.  I heard her say that we will be in litigation for a very long time.  The mediator said “thats a shame,” and looked at me as if to ask. Is that what you want too?  It got me thinking how much of this fight do I want to continue? How much of my life do I want to be spent in conflict?  How does this battle effect the boys?  I haven’t decided yet. 

 I had breakfast with another friend from church.  Because I’m so self absorbed, I never even knew that he had been divorced, and had a son.  He was talking about his son coming to live with him, this summer.  That his mother couldn’t handle him at this age and that she asked him to take his son for a while.   We talked about the fact that when he got divorced, he gave her what she wanted and he never even got a lawyer.  Because of that, they were civil with each other, and in a time of uncertanty and frustration she turned to him for help.  The two women I’m involved with would die before they asked me for help.  They make demands, and expect payment, but there will be no reaching out and asking for help from a point of vulnerability.  And to be honest I’m the same way.  that’s a symptom of a real big problem for me.  Pride.

I get so defensive if I feel attacked, “like how dare you suggest that I’m XY or Z.  Don’t you know me better than that?  who do you think you are?  Your no angel yourself you know”.  I’m sure that this is only escalating the conflicts.  But how do I stop the wheels from turning. Can I stop them from turning.  I ask God for help in this matter daily, but things just get worse.  I’ve come to the conclusion that God is saying I’ve told you what to do, you just aren’t doing it. 

 I should trust first, be prepared to get crushed, not give up, but just say what ever you want.  It’s the core of being a christian, trusting God, give it up to him and let him work the miracles of you life.  How do you do that to something that you have never seen, when you can’t do that to someone you were married to for ten years.  The answer is that people are seriously flawed and we let each other down all the time.  From a clerk making a mistake at the check out line to a priofessional man of God misusing his position for his own gain, we blow it every day.  How do you trust in people?  Again the Answer is you don’t, you trust in God. 

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